


Pick your poison

by Tatera



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic main character, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Im a shitbag i dont care, OC, but u know what, everyone is probs ooc, sue me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 20:52:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14626818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tatera/pseuds/Tatera
Summary: Oz Palmer is transferred to the BAU after being on 'sick-leave' for 2 months.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok so; i'm gonna walk on the THINNEST ICE EVER this entire fic; like goddamn holy shitty glowing banana it will be thin ice.  
> I'm only gonna write abt the alcoholism type that I have had in my actual home, which is a functional alcoholic.  
> And understand that alcoholism is very much up to the person reading; To me if you need something everyday and feel panicked or antsy without it for longer times- you're addicted. 
> 
> Also ya'll i stray so far away from the show ok; this is literally guilty pleasure writing look at me mcfucking go.
> 
> CASMIRC = Child Abduction and Serial Murder Investigative Resources Center.

The alarm clock is a grim reminder of what the day holds. He should've just called in sick. Maybe told the truth and stated that he was still not going to those meetings they wanted him to go to but he was itching to do _something, anything_ that wasn't just locking himself inside his apartment everyday. He rolled his shoulders, a popping sound being made for each shoulder as he got up from his bed. He was well aware of why he felt so shit; headache, horrific taste in his mouth and the heartburn. These were everyday things for him; lord knows what he had broken the night before but it was probably something seeing as- well it was always something. Something Oz hated with working within profiling, or rather something he used to hate and haven't had the luxury to hate in quite some time, was that he had to look proper. He had to look like a properly functioning civilian, something he was away from being. Biting his lower lip he brushed his teeth, staring into the bathroom mirror with about as much self-loathing a man could. His eyes had adorned a puffy and red look, he just hoped that the cold water would let it settle before he got to work. After getting dressed, and shaving he forced himself into his car. A rational human being would remind their own stupid self that maybe driving isn't the best idea when having an awful hang-over and a death wish, but Oz was far from a rational human being.

 

Despite his wishes he had found himself staring at the surprisingly intimidating door leading into his new work-place; how and why Reyes had convinced someone like Hotchner to take him on was beyond him but somehow the woman had suceeded. ' _Don't make me regret this'_ her words echoing in his mind, maybe she shouldn't have suggested him in the first place because she knows damn well she will regret this decision. Should he knock? Do people knock anymore? Oz hadn't been at work for months; somehow the concept of working felt completely alien to him. However it seems like the gods picked for him; as the door almost hit him square in the face as a shorter dark-haired woman opened to possibly leave; looking at him with surprise.

''Oh god, I am so sorry- are you alright?'' Could she see how taken aback he was that easily? To be fair- who wouldn't be after getting a bloody door in the face but still, he must look like a tired thrown around assistant to some rich snobby kid in Beverly HIlls. Oz simply replied with a gesture, and a nervous chuckle. 

''Don't worry about it, I probably lingered for a while longer than I should've before opening the door anyway.'' The woman looked him up and down before it seemingly clicked in her head.

''Oz Palmer?'' She simply received a nod as a quick response; the woman giving him a warm smiling and offering a handshake- a gesture he happily accepted because Oz would be a big fat liar if he said he wasn't panicking on the inside. ''It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Emily Prentiss. I look forward to working with you'' All he could do was slowly nod as the woman excused herself and passed him to go deliver the paperwork she was holding onto. Well, now he had no excuse to not enter. That sucks. Come on Palmer, you're a grown man. He let out a nervous sigh before slowly making his way into, well the HQ of the BAU- what else could he call it; that's exactly what it was. Luckily most seemed to only give him quick glances, seeing the ID around his neck probably made them just assume he had the right to be there as he made his way to Hotchner's office, luckily he had gotten a quick understanding of the layout by just asking Reyes on where the hell he should go. Nervously he knocked on the door, feeling even more pressure from the now extremely annoying headache he was suffering from. After making sure he heard a muffled; come in- he did just that. Agent Hotchner was sitting by his desk, curiously eyeing him as he closed the door behind him.

''Agent Palmer, I presume?'' Oz gave him a nod, sitting down when Hotchner gestured for him to do so. ''Reyes had a lot of good things to say about you, however she mentioned you haven't been working for two months now- is that correct?'' He nodded. 

''Yes Sir.'' What more did Hotchner want him to say, the man should have his file if anything was worrying him. Oz knew why Reyes had suggested him out of all people, it's not like Oz was dumb. Far from it he actually had some pride in his abilities and he had made a damn good FBI agent with an eye for details if he had to say so himself; however the agency had seen the signs of an issue and when he refused to go through with their suggestions of therapy they had no real choice but to cut him off. He wasn't fired, even if he liked to state as such whenever Reyes stopped by his house to see him drunkenly pouting like a child about the entire situation. He was on sick-leave, nothing more and nothing less.

''I don't expect you to jump right into things, We will have a meeting where you can introduce yourself to the others in your team. You will be assigned a partner and that is that, any questions?'' How someone was so damn intimidating while just casually reading through papers was beyond him, for a split-second he was back in the office of the therapist assigned him, her eyes drilling into his soul as he sat there silently.

''No sir.'' Oz didn't have the energy to really ask anything; his headache was getting worse by the second and all the coffee he had picked up on the way had succeeded in doing was make him nauseas. Hearing Hotchner dissmissing him calmed his nerves extremely, whispering a soft 'sir' before getting up and leaving, closing the door behind him. He let out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding, holy shit that was terrifying. The familiar sound of a soft chuckle caused him to whip his head to the left, properly more panicked than he had wanted to.

''First day?'' The man that stood to his side, looking at him with an amused expression made Oz wonder if this wasn't a bloody modeling agency as well, even if it was only for a split second. The man was fit, and made Oz feel like a small child. This dude must've been popular in college or there was something seriously wrong with how the world worked.

''Uhm- Yeah, Oz Palmer.'' He carefully reached out his hand, the man responding with a firm handshake. Why did he feel like he recognized that suave grin.

''Derek Morgan, pleasure to meet you'' Oh, _Oh_. He had heard one or two stories about Derek Morgan if anyone, the man was simply a rumor without a face but it seemed his reputation lived up to Oz expectations. ''You alright, you look- well I'd say tense but you look more than tense.'' Hiding that he was obviously hungover from a profiler; yeah good luck with that. 

''Didn't sleep much, and it would be a lie to say I wasn't utterly terrified'' He laughed nervously, Oz hated new places more than anything. He earned an understanding nod from Agent Morgan, who gestured for him to follow along; honestly he didn't mind being the tail because he sure as hell didn't know where he was going. For once in his life, a tour had never been this damn interesting. Morgan was a nice guy, he didn't point the obvious tired demeanor of Oz too much and was a generally social guy. As the small tour of the BAU office was completed, it was time for the oh-so lovely meeting where Oz was sure he would die in a pit of awkwardness mixed with his hungover taking over his life. He normally drank around this time if he was even awake; and the fact that he hadn't had anything to drink yet made him nervous, anxious and the pain from his head mixed with the immense familiar pain from his shoulder didn't make things better as he quickly swallowed some pain-killers before entering the meeting-room with Morgan. Was it too late to just, call Reyes and tell her that he properly resigned? Hotchner however put a hand on his shoulder before he could even dream of making that plan reality, sending him a supportive look. Everyone had a rough first day, but not everyone was hung over on their first day. he was ripped from his self-loathing as Hotchner started talking; Oz had just say down next to Morgan because there was no way in hell he was standing in front of everyone as if it was a new school or something. 

''Before we even get started today, everyone this is Oz Palmer. He will be working with us from now on, I expect everyone to show him the ropes around here.'' Hotchner gestured to Oz with a simple nod, oh thank god it wasn't like the first day in school. ''Palmer, you've already met Morgan I assume?''

''Yes sir'' Oz could see that the people within the office found it odd to hear someone call Hotchner 'Sir'. He had felt the same thing whenever someone referred to Reyes as 'Ma'am' or 'Mrs'. 

''Over there is Dr.Spencer Reid, next to him you will find Agent Jareau'' his eyes wandered over to the two people in question, Dr. Reid was young- but Oz had heard everything about him and this dude was a freaking genius from any perspective. And Jareau was probably one of the friendlier faces he had seen yet. ''I heard from Prentiss you two met as you entered, so I hardly think introductions are in order. Then we have Agent Alvez and Penelope Garcia, our communcations director. You won't meet her right away but she will hear you, even if you don't want her to'' That caused the room to let out a chuckle, apparently confirming that what Hotchner said was completely true. While Oz had recieved notes on these people from Reyes, knowing their basic responsibilities within the BAU, it was nice to put faces on the descriptions. He uttered a hushed hello, he wasn't much for talking in all honesty. Back with his old team he kept to himself after the accident, shortly before being put on sick-leave. So honestly he hadn't properly socialized with anyone other than some people that he considered family in two months. That made him more than awkward in any social situation. He didn't know the limit of these people or really anything about their actual personalities. 

''You can call us by our surnames by the way, agent this and agent that gets kinda unruly after a while'' Jareau stated with a comforting smile, earning nothing but a nod from Oz as he scratched the back of his neck. The self-introductions didn't hold on for longer than that; something he was extremely happy about. They mainly went through a case that had gotten assigned to them, he was happy to hear it wasn't always- well kids dying left and right, something he had to deal within CASMIRC or his early work within the FBI. Oz remained mainly silent, he didn't enjoy being a social butterfly on his first day. He needed time to adjust and he hoped that Hotchner understood that, or that Reyes had at least informed him of this. Other than mentioning something that stood out here and there to Derek as they spoke in private, he didn't talk to the others too much during his first day. 

So when he walked out of the office, and 'JJ', as he had understood the others called her by, called him over he hesitated. As he made his way over to the group he felt immense pressure as they smiled at him.

''We are going out for drinks, you in?'' Now, he wasn't sure if Reyes had properly informed Hotchner about why he was on sick-leave, or if she had simply stated it as a result of his work-related injury. This answered that it was the letter, causing him to curse softly under his breathe.

''Sorry, I'd rather just- get back home honestly. Next time?'' Oz gave them a sad excuse of a smile before walking off, the fact that he felt so stressed being outside was in a large part due to his pain that hadn't subsided no matter how many painkillers he had taken throughout the day. As he sat in his car, he quickly opened the glove compartment and practically ripped the small bottle out of it. Every ounce of the liquid felt like heaven, burning his throat in a familiar manner as he started up the car. Agent Oz Palmer did not support drunk driving, but he always said 'do as I say not as I do' and in this scenario that was very much the case. The alcohol making it's way through his system as he drove back home, almost rushing inside and slamming the door shut behind him. He needed q shot, no multiple shots actually. 


	2. See no evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oz gets his first actual case that requires the entire team; he is less than happy. Honestly he just wants to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who may b arrested bcs i have to search up creepy shit- hint; it's me.

The following weeks had been more or less boring. As boring as it can be working for the BAU, he had gotten accustomed to the group rather well but Oz still felt guilty even being near them for too long. He didn't deserve to be back on the force in his opinion yet here he was. Staring at the empty glass on the livingroom table in front of him he sighed, he had gotten of work a couple of hours ago. JJ had tried to convince him to loosen up some, joking that he was more tense than Hotch- and it was true. The familiar tune of his phone ripped him from his self-loathing as he quickly grabbed it; a text from Hotch. With heavy steps he made his way to the car, why couldn't killers way until he started work- why couldn't people submit these things on time and not have him go to emergency cases after drinking, thank the lord if there is one that he wasn't drunk of his arse currently. He drove in silence, why did the idea of a case make him this nervous it was as if his own guts told him something was wrong.

As he hastily made his way into the briefing room he almost turned around on the spot, what the hell was that picture they had oh-so happily put up on the board? Derek laughed at Oz rather dramatic turn but quickly pushed him back in, earning him a tired and annoyed groan from his co-worker. As the group slowly but surely arrived he couldn't help but stare at the picture of, what he assumed was their victim, he had to admit for someone without eyes they looked pretty healthy. Well they were dead, but ya know. Healthy dead.

''Happy everyone could make it here so quickly'' Hotch stated with a sigh as he made his way into the room, he had learned rather quickly that people didn't use Agent Hotchners full surname, mainly because it was a pain to say for everyone. JJ- as he had learned to refer to Agent Jareau as- gave Hotch a tired look; earning a chuckle from the man.

''Alright, Our first victim is Anthony Miller, 56 year old lawyer. Found by Willmore Park in St. Louis, Missouri. The victim had both his eyes removed with surgical precision. When he was found he had been dead for one month, his wife hadn't filed a missing persons report as he would go missing due to what she referred to as 'extreme fits of rage'. MIller died due to blunt force trauma to his skull, it is believed his eyes were removed before his death.'' Hotch stated, putting up more photos as he spoke; the man in question was a caucasian male, on all the photos he looked almost serene. Oz leaned forward, reading the file given to him carefully. The only real injury other than the cause of death and the removal of the eyes was an old leg injury that had healed incorrectly. ''Second victim, Shirley Pratt, 34 years-old. Single mother who worked as a nurse for Shriners Hospitals for Children. She was found in a ditch nearby the hospital by residents, like Miller she had both her eyes removed and cause of death was blunt force trauma. They found flunitrazepam in her system.''

''Flunitrazepam is more commonly used as a drug in sexual assaults, it's not difficult to slip into someones drink if you know what you are doing- not many take it for just shits and giggles''Oz stated without really thinking, he saw the drug being used a lot in a lot of different circumstances; all extremely criminal mind you.

''Shirley Pratt was found a day after she had gotten off work, she was reported missing only hours before being find as she failed to pick up her daughters from their dad.'' Spencer added, a sigh escaping him. This work never got easier it seemed.

''So the unsub removes the eyes before killing them- why go through all that trouble if you are going to kill them shortly after?'' The room stayed silent until Spencer decided to speak up. ''Back during 1991 Charles Albright was arrested for similar murders, he had an obsession with eyes which caused him to remove the eyes from his victims. The unsub could very well have a smiliar addiction. The fact that they have a medical background, being able to remove the eyes without killing the victims- shows that they aren't acting out impulse. This isn't about control''

''They must have access to Flunitrazepam as well, the victim either has it prescribed by a doctor or is able to somehow gain access to it through their medical background- or worst case, a dealer.'' Oz hummed. ''Shirley was find rather recently though- so the unsub must've been waiting for the moment to get their hands on her.'' He bit his lower lip, somehow he felt like this was hardly the last killing; Albright killed three women before he was caught, and if this was somehow a copycat things would get difficult quickly as he was made into a damn circus freak for the public rather quickly. Anyone could've followed that sicko; even if it was years ago.

''Did Miller have anything in common with Pratt? Seeing as he was a lawyer maybe he worked on a law case against her or with her?'' Hotch shook his head. 

''Pratt hasn't had any run-ins with the law, and the hospital has had complaints but never anything that has been brought to court.'' He stated with a puzzled look, staring at the files. ''We can ponder more on the way there, wheels up in 30 guys.'' While Oz loved the idea of a jet, real nice there FBI. He wasn't too keen on having to fly every damn time there was a murder; but alas it was his job. He sighed and stood up, putting the file copies he had recieved in the bag he had hastily put together before leaving his place. As he made his way to the plane, Derek showed up next to him. Giving him a curious look.

''You look like you've adapted pretty well to us so far'' He stated with a hum, now- the first rule they all had was to not profile each other. Derek didn't seem too damn good at that rule as he made many notes of Oz odd habits; some not even Oz was aware of. Like how Oz always scratched his shoulder when thinking, or how he had a tendency to mutter to himself in a voice nobody but he could hear, as his lips moved but no sound came out when he was reading. He didn't really like knowing he did that, because now he caught himself doing it all the damn time. 

''What do you want Morgan?'' Oz sighed, not really up for the oh so lovely games the man loved to play, earning a shrug from Morgan. ''Just wondering why you keep your distance Palmer, this is about teamwork ya know'' Oz scoffed, teamwork was important yes- but that didn't mean he had to bring that teamwork outside of work. He waved Morgan off as he entered the jet, taking a seat next to Reid- knowing the man wouldn't bother him. He felt shit, honestly. It was probably easy to see too, he had a burning throat and felt anxious- for no real reason and it pissed him off. The plane ride was filled with mainly wild speculation, until Hotch took the time to give people proper jobs. 

''Alvez, JJ I want you two to talk with the hospital- check if Pratt had any patient complaints or anything that may hint towards anyone wanting to hurt her. Morgan, Reid- Check Miller's office for anything. Pretniss, take Palmer along with you and talk to the families.'' Oh great- Oz really wanted to talk to kids right now. Kids who had lost a parent- even better. ''Check if any of them has recieved threatning messages or heard their spouse or parent be worried.'' Everyone nodded and returned to doing whatever, Oz taking the time to play one or rather- four entire games of Solitaire on his phone. What an exiting trip. 

In St. Louis the sun was high when they got off the jet, everyone stretching and switching off into their individual groups as soon as possible. Hotch had taken it upon himself to speak with the St.Louis police, something Oz was happy about seeing as honestly he didn't like the police much. Surprising as he worked for the FBI but somehow the fact that every police officer he met had the ego of a rockstar just really didn't sit right with him.

''Pratt or Miller?'' Pretniss stated as the two got into the car, causing a short silence. ''Miller'' He responded, happy that he didn't have to drive and just pick location. St. Louis was a bitch to drive in honestly. Pretniss nodded and the car ride was mainly silent, he had worked with the woman once during his first week and honestly she was amazing to work with. She didn't push him to be social; something he was grateful for. ''Hotch mentioned that Miller had fits of rage?'' He stated as he looked out the window.

''Eyupp, perfect for someone that works in law, right?'' She stated, earning a chuckle from the man as they drove to the Miller household, parking in front of it and looking at it with curious eyes. Well- they were home that was for sure, as a young girl stormed out the second they stopped the car. ''That isn't suspicious of her- at all''Oz mused, getting out of the car with Pretniss and making his way to the door where a woman in her late 40s was now standing. She must've recognized them because she quickly moved to the side, muttering for them to come in with a tired tone. 

''I am agent Pretniss and this is Agent Palmer'' Pretniss chose her words carefully, following the woman inside after the two showed their badges. ''Mrs. Miller, we are sorry if we are distburbing- we were hoping you could help us with finding the person who did this to your husband'' The woman led them to the livingroom couch, gesturing for them to sit as she sat down with a sigh.

''I told Tony this occupation would kill him, he never listened to me. Said he wanted to help people'' Mrs. Miller looked exhausted.''Whatever you want to know I will tell you, but I'm not sure if it will be of much use.'' Oz took up his notepad, allowing Pritness to do most of the talking. 

''Mrs. Miller, every little detail helps. Did your husband mention anything about feeling scared for his safety, a case or someone at work maybe worrying him?'' The tired woman went silent, seemingly trying to find anything within that already stressed mind. 

''You have to understand agent, my husband is a lawyer. He gets threats as often as our daughter gets her homework- he never cared, it was apart of the charm for him.'' The woman leaned back, a cat finding it's way into her lap as she started petting it. ''He mentioned a while back about a client being furious at him but that is nothing new. Whenever people loose their law suit they blame the lawyer and not the fact that their entire case was built on ridicolous assumptions.''

''Did you husband tell you what the case was about?'' Oz spoke up, looking up at the woman from his writing. 

''No, but knowing him right it was probably someone from a larger company- those are normally the types that hire him.'' Mrs. Miller grew silent, tears forming in her eyes as she grabbed some napkins from the table. ''Our daughter was supposed to go to prom next week- he didn't even get to see her graduate'' She whispered as she started crying. The two agents gave each other a look, Pretniss extending a hand and placing it on Mrs. Millers shoulder. ''We will find the person who did this Mrs. Miller- for now you have to stay strong, for your daughter.'' she stated, giving the woman a comforting look. Mrs. Miller nodded, tears still falling from her eyes. ''I am sorry I couldn't help much, I just- I need some time to adjust'' She whispered, the mourning could take months- if not years when it came to a romantic partner. ''Before we go, did Mr. Millers anger ever get him in trouble with the company?'' Oz asked as he stood up. 

''No, He always behaved at work, his anger started some months back- he made sure to not be angry around Christine.'' She said with a sad look, starting to cry once again at the thought of her husband. This was a person that was never coming back even if the unsub was caught, there was no way to bring this father back to his daughter and wife. The two excused themselves, leaving with heavy hearts as they sat in the car in silence.


End file.
